Almost Alice
by hidingthetruthbehindamask
Summary: Almost Alice is on hiatus from now on due to the fact I am snowed under with coursework. I am not finished with this story and I promise I will finish this story whenever I get chance- Hanabella Louise 25/2/12
1. Preface

Alice in Wonderland

Almost Alice

By The One and Only Hanabella

Preface- The Rabbit Hole

Mariella Kingless was not your average girl. If you saw her from a distance you would not believe that the looks the nineteen year old girl had were the looks she was born with. Her hair started off blonde and was very long but about half way down it changed from blonde to Ginger. Her eyes were like a human mood ring they changed colour with her mood. And she was smart like her mother, Alice, but she was also a crazy dreamer like her had been raised by her mother; she never knew her father. Alice never did mention him, her first and only love.

"Mother. Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Mariella asked her mother as they rode in the horse and carriage towards the grand party that was being thrown for Mariella's nineteenth birthday.

"I have no idea. I'm still trying to work it out after twenty years. Not even your father knew why and he was the one who asked that question." Alice said, moving a piece of hair from her daughter's face.

"What happened to my father?" Mariella asked with sad sapphire eyes.

"Not today, Mariella, please." Alice pleaded with her young daughter, who's eyes faded from sad sapphire to angry amber.

"YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT. NINETEEN YEARS OF SAYING THE SAME THING." Mariella shouted.

"MARIELLA." Alice shouted snapping her daughter back from her anger. Her eyes faded back to a peaceful peach.

"I'm sorry." Mariella said sinking into the back of the carriage.

"I met him when I was a little girl. And then again when I was nineteen in a place called wonderland. They called him the Mad Hatter. He always wore his hat on his head even if it was burnt and ruined. He was so kind, sweet, and caring. Just like you. I miss him." Alice said before a tear rolled down her cheek. This was the first time in twenty years that she spoken of the Hatter. Meanwhile, watching from a distance, Mariella saw how upsetting talking about her father was for her mother.

"Did you ever go back to Wonderland?" Mariella asked with curious Clementine eyes."No. I want to. Even more when I found I was carrying you. You would have loved wonderland. You never know, just because I couldn't get back doesn't mean you couldn't fall down the rabbit hole to wonderland. Watch out for a white rabbit in a waist coat." Alice said as the carriage came to a stop.

"Am I mad?" Mariella whispered.

"You're completely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret; all the best people are." Alice said with a smile before the carriage door opened.

"Miss Alice, Miss Mariella. Welcome." The Gentlemen greeted them both, taking Alice's hand to help her out of the carriage then Mariella.

"Will you tell me more about wonderland after the party?" Mariella asked her mother.

"Yes." Alice replied with a forced smile. Talking about wonderland brought back all the pain. A pain that Mariella had not missed. And though it sounded selfish she needed to know about her father. The party was not to Mariella's taste; people were dancing but not the kind she had learnt while living in China with her mother. The Chinese people had lovely dancing, they looked happy. Unlike the people who were attending the party. She felt people eyes on her all the time because of the way she looked. She never wanted to fit in, she loved who she was.

"Mariella." Jonathan, the man who wanted to marry Mariella, said with a smile. Mariella had no feelings for Jonathan, she found him dull and boring.

"Jonathan." Mariella said with a forced smile. She really couldn't stand him.

"Will you dance with me?" Jonathan asked with a smile. Mariella turned to her mother her eyes we're stained with tears and Mariella knew it was her fault for bring up her father.

"No. I'm sorry, Jonathan, but my mother needs me." Mariella said, before going to walk away, he grabbed her gently.

"My mother is with you're mother. Please Mariella. Just one dance." Jonathan asked her with his sweet blue eyes.

"If you wish." Mariella said and she followed him towards the dance floor but stopped when she caught sight of a white rabbit, but not just any rabbit, the rabbit her mother had told her about. This rabbit would lead her to her father.

Mariella had one last look at her mother before she let go of Jonathan's hand and ran after the rabbit.

"MARIELLA." Jonathan shouted after her. But she was too busy running to care. The Rabbit was fast but she wasn't going to let the only link to her father go. Mariella arrived at a tree. The Rabbit had disappeared. The tree had a hole in the middle that looked like a rabbit hole. And Mariella remembered what her mother had said about the rabbit hole, so Mariella took a deep breath before she fell down the rabbit hole. Down the rabbit hole to Wonderland.


	2. Chapter 1

Alice in Wonderland

Almost Alice

By The One and Only Hanabella

Chapter 1- A Night You'll Never Forget

Alice was stood on the balcony of the White Queen's palace when the Hatter found her, Hatter had been walking through the White Queen's palace he'd walked past the door to the balcony and he knew from first glance that it was Alice stood on the balcony, he could never forget her golden locks. He slowly walked towards her with a large grin on his face.

"Alice." Hatter whispered in her ear as he leant gently against her back. She smiled as he whispered her name.

"I can't do this Hatter... I can't save Wonderland. I know everyone expects me to save Wonderland from the Red Queen but I'm not the Alice their looking for." Alice said leaning back against Hatter with tears in her eyes, she wanted to help really she did but she just couldn't see how a young woman like herself could save Wonderland from the Red Queen when she could barely save herself from the fate of marrying a man she didn't love back in her own world.

"Your the right Alice. I know you are how could I forget the girl who stole my heart? You can do this Alice. I know you can."Hatter said kissing the top of her head. Alice's heart was beating a lot faster now, she could hear Hatter's heart beating at the same time as her own, like they had the same heart. Alice turned her head so Hatter could see her sparkling blue eyes.

"I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine." Alice whispered before they lips touched and they kissed for the first time. But it didn't stop at a kiss, it became a lot deeper, it turned into passion that raged like a burning fire. Hatter and Alice moved this burning fire to Alice's guest room in the White Queen's palace. The Hatter was gently with Alice as he lied her on her bed and wrapped his arms around her, and for a moment both were lying completely still in each others arms. Alice kissed the Hatter's lips again before she removed his Hat and ran her finger down his white cheek smiling at him. Hatter started to gently pull Alice's dress down slowly till she's lying next to him bare he places soft kiss on her soft flesh sucking gently on the flesh taking in her soft apple scent. Alice's skin was become very hot as the passion between the two heated up. Alice had unclothed Hatter and traced a finger down his chest and placed her hand over his heart so she could hear it beat he smiled at her before he placed his lips to hers again.

"I love you Alice." Hatter whispered against their pressed lips. Alice was trembling.

"I love you too Hatter." Alice whispered back kissing him passionately, Hatter smiled and moved away from her lips placing soft kisses down her pale skin she moaned gently at the warmth of his lips on her flesh.

And then it happened they made love, Alice had given herself to the Hatter and she'd loved every moment of it, it was their special moment together. Hatter held Alice close after it was over she snuggled up to his chest with the covers around them.

"Tomorrow's the day I save Wonderland. I'll be going home after that... I don't want to leave you Hatter." Alice said looking up at him with tears in her eyes. He kissed her check.

"Here I want you to have this." Hatter said sliding a golden ring onto her finger she smiled.

"As long as you have this ring on your finger. You'll never leave me, you'll always have me with you. No matter what happens Alice." Hatter said kissing her lips. Alice smiled and looked on the ring on her finger it was so beautiful, she fell asleep in his arms holding him close not wanting to let him go as she slept he looked down at her watching her sleep with tears in his eyes. He knew once tommorow was over he would lose her again... and she wouldn't come back this time.

The battle was over and has the White Queen gave Alice her key home, Alice caught the Hatter's sad eyes and she walked over to him both looked at each other, the White Queen watched as Alice gave the Hatter a kiss.

"I'll be back before you know it. I have some things to sort out in my world then I'll come back I promise." Alice said giving him another kiss.

"What if you don't remember me?" Hatter asked with tears in his eyes.

"I have my ring. I will never forget you Hatter." Alice said drinking the liquid the White Queen had given her.

"Back before you know it Hatter. I love you." Alice whispered in tears.

"I love you too Alice." Hatter whispered back before he and the rest of wonderland faded away and Alice was climbing out of the rabbit hole she had fallen down earlier. She returned to the Party, told Hamish she would not marry him and became Hamish's father business partner but she did not plan to stay she wanted to get back to Hatter but when she returned to the rabbit hole... it was gone... Alice's way back to Wonderland was gone... and so was the Hatter. Gone forever. Before Alice left for China she spent months searching for the White Rabbit and the Rabbit Hole to Wonderland but she had no luck, as she stood on the deck of the boat to China looking at the sunset she silently cried as she finally realised that she would not be returning to Hatter, the love of her life was gone forever and all she had was his ring to remember him by, his ring and their unborn child, Alice was pregnant, alone and pregnant in China with no Hatter and nobody to take her back to her love.

**A/N: Sorry it's took me forever to update! I shall try and update more often! I've not done the Hatter/Alice love scene in detail cause I didn't think it was needed. We all know how babies are made! Next Chapter up asap!**


	3. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Hey Almost Alice Readers, It's Hanabella! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like forever! I've had really bad writers block but finally it's gone! And *fingers crossed* for good! But we never know! Sorry I'm going on! Hey, have you guys heard of this two part series called Alice? I caught it today and it was amazing! 21**__**st**__** Century Alice! And I've been reading the Looking Glass Wars as well so lots of Alice In Wonderland ideas! Yay! Right I am going to shut up now and let you read the chapter!**_

* * *

_**Almost Alice**_

_**By One and Only Hanabella**_

_**Chapter 2 – Shame**_

_**Confused, Upset, Hurt and Ashamed. **_Those four words were the only words that best described Alice's feelings since she'd lost the Hatter and discovered that she was carrying his child. Alice was confused because she couldn't understand why she'd been unable to return to Wonderland and back to the Hatter. She was upset because she loved and had lost the father of her unborn child who, it seemed, would never have a father figure. Alice was hurt and ashamed because of the way her mother had reacted to the news of Alice being with child. Her mother was upset, angry and ashamed. Alice was an unmarried mother and, in London, unmarried mothers brought nothing but shame to their families. Alice had planned on returning to London but after her mother's reaction to her pregnancy, she had remained in China. Alice felt like there was nothing left for her in London. She'd been abandoned by her mother when she needed her most. She had lost the Hatter and her Mother's love and all she had left was her unborn child.

_**Dear Mother,**_

_**It's been two months since we last wrote to each other. I know you expressed in your last letter that you did not wish to hear from me again due to me being with child. I know you are ashamed of me and that my being an unmarried mother has brought you great heartbreak, and shame to our family name. But please mother, I am your youngest child. I am your flesh and blood. I need you now more than ever. I beg of you, do not abandon me when I need you most. Please find it in your heart to write back or come and visit me. I hope you can forgive me.**_

_**Your Loving Daughter**_

_**Alice**_

It took Alice's Mother's reply nearly a month before it reached her youngest daughter at which time Alice was now seven months pregnant. Helen's letter was short. It told her daughter that she would be visiting her daughter about four days after Alice received and read her mother's letter. Alice had breathed a sigh of relief when she had read that her mother was coming to visit. Alice made sure that her new home was ready for her mother's visit. She also made sure to wear her smartest clothes when she went to meet her mother at the docks. Alice would have been lying if she'd had said she wasn't nervous about her mother's visit because the truth was that she was more than nervous. She was terrified of seeing her mother reaction to her pregnancy face-to-face. Alice was a grown woman but when her mother stepped off the boat, she cried like a child does when they fall and scrape their knee. Helen took her sobbing child into her arms, not saying a word to comfort her crying child.

"Stop with the tears, Alice. Nothing was ever achieved with tears," Helen told her daughter in a stern voice. As soon as Alice's had finished crying, Alice wiped away her tears. She was not receiving the comfort she wanted and needed from her once loving and caring mother. Everything had changed and there was no denying that fact as Alice and Helen rode back to Alice's new home in silence. Neither mother nor daughter spoke a word nor looked at each other. Alice let out a sigh to break the oppressive silence in the carriage before she looked out of the carriage window watching the clouds go by. Her mind drifted towards thoughts of the Hatter. If she had been able to return to Wonderland, she would have been safe in the Hatter's arms right now but it seemed fate had other cruel plans for Alice. She sighed and wiped the tears that had silently fallen from her eyes. Helen risked a quick glance at her daughter. If Alice's father, Charles, had still been alive, he would have known all the right things to say. Charles always did understand Alice better than Helen. He'd always been able to comfort his youngest daughter where as Helen never did understand the strange ways of her daughter and she never had any words of comfort for Alice. Helen's attention and affection was always with her eldest daughter, Margaret. Maybe this was why, when faced with her crying daughter, she had no words of comfort.

"Who is the child's father Alice? You did not give his name in your first letter," Helen asked and Alice could not help the sigh that escaped her lips. How could she even begin to explain Wonderland and the Hatter to her mother? She could not without sounding like a crazy person.

"He's name was Jonathan. He was a fisherman who drowned at sea when his ship was destroyed during a storm," Alice replied avoiding her mother's gaze as she told her lies, but Helen seemed to buy her daughters story because she did not ask any more questions on the subject. Once they arrived at Alice's home, Helen carried her bags upstairs to her room and unpacked while Alice sat in front of the warm fire with a hand resting on her large baby bump as tears streamed from her eyes. She had brought nothing but shame to her mother and she lost the one she loved and that broke Alice's heart more than anything.


	4. Chapter 3

_**Almost Alice**_

_**By Hanabella Louise**_

_**Chapter 3- Unexpected**_

The knock on Alice's front door on a cold, rainy Sunday morning was unexpected, to say the least. Alice walked slowly down the stairs to open it. Helen had been staying with her daughter now for over a month, so Alice really didn't know what or who to expect when she slowly opened her front door.

"Margaret? What a pleasant surprise! I didn't know you were coming!" Alice said, shocked at the sight of her big sister standing at her front door with three bags at her side.

"Can I come in please? I'm freezing" Margaret said, shivering as the cold rain soaked through her clothes to her skin. Alice gave her sister a tiny smile before stepping aside to let her in. Margaret returned her sister's smile, picking up her bags and bringing them inside. Once she was inside the house, Alice shut the door behind her.

"I'm sorry. I know my visit is unexpected. I've been writing to mother, and she hasn't been replying, and I began to worry, so I decided to come and stay. I hope you don't mind" Margaret said, as Alice led her into the living room and lit the fire, sitting Margaret in front of it so that she could dry off.

"Of course I don't mind! I've missed you. I'll fetch some blankets from upstairs and tell mother you're here. I'd suggest you change your clothes. I'll dry them for you once you're changed" Alice said with a smile, before heading out of the living room and up the stairs, leaving Margaret to change. Alice grabbed a couple of blankets out of the dresser that was placed at the top of the stairs, before making her way to her mother's bedroom.

"Mother?" Alice asked, after knocking twice and waiting for her mother to reply. After a few moments, Helen opened the door. Alice could see that the tears her mother had been crying over the last month still stained her face. After Helen arrived, she had taken to the room her daughter had given her, and only left to have meals. Alice could tell her mother was heartbroken by her youngest daughter's pregnancy.

"Yes Alice?" Helen asked, her daughter trying to force a smile but failing. Alice looked at her mother for a moment, and thought about what it had been like before her pregnancy. Her mother had had so much hope for her future, and now that hope was gone.

"Margaret is here" Alice said with a tiny smile. As soon as Alice had mentioned her sister's name, she could see the smile her mother wore was no longer fake. Alice held back a disheartened sigh. Margaret would always be her mother's favorite child, no matter what. Helen didn't say anything else, just headed downstairs. Alice followed her with blankets as they both walked into the living room. Margaret had changed out of her dark red dress, and into a powder blue one.

"Mother!" Margaret said with a big smile on her face, running to hug her mother. Alice put the blankets down on the nearest chair.

"Margaret, you should have told me you were coming in your last letter" Helen said, moving a piece of hair that had fallen over her daughter's face away. Alice looked on from the doorframe. Helen acted caring and loving towards Margaret, something Alice needed right now.

"If you'll excuse me" Alice whispered, before heading out of the living room and upstairs to her room. Neither Helen nor Margaret had noticed that Alice had left the room till they heard her bedroom door slam shut. Alice sat herself at her bedroom window, resting her head against the cold glass, watching the rain fall. Resting a hand on her baby bump and feeling her unborn child kick, Alice couldn't help the tears that escaped from her eyes as her thoughts drifted from her mother and sister to the Hatter. She never stopped missing him, she never stopped thinking about him, and she knew she never would. She also knew she'd never love another after him.

"Alice?" Alice looked away from the window to find Margaret stood in her room. Alice must have been so lost in thought that she hadn't heard her sister enter the room. Margaret walked towards her sister when she saw the tears falling from her eyes. She sat next to her, and wrapped her arms around her little sister.

"Mother hates me, Margaret" Alice whispered, resting her head against her sister's chest. Margaret let out a small sigh, and kissed the top of Alice's head.

"That's not true. Come downstairs?" Margaret asked with a small smile. Alice didn't say anything, just wiped away her tears and nodded her head. Margaret stood up, and helped her heavily pregnant sister up, before opening Alice's bedroom door, letting Alice go first before following her downstairs into the living room, where Helen was sitting by the fire waiting for them.

"Come here, my child" Helen said after she'd stood up, opening her arms for Alice. Alice looked back at Margaret as she took a step towards her mother. Margaret gave her a reassuring smile before Alice took a few more steps to get to her mother, who put her arms around her youngest child.

"I'm so sorry, Mother" Alice said, sobbing into her mother's chest, as Helen gently ran her hand up and down Alice's back.

"Shush now, it doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done, and it cannot be changed" Helen said, keeping her hand moving up and down Alice's back as Margaret just watched in silence. After Alice had finished crying, Margaret, Helen, and Alice sat next to the fire in silence.

"Alice, I want you to come back to London with me and your sister" Helen finally said, breaking the silence that had settled between the three women.

"What?" Alice asked, shocked. Ever since her mother had arrived, Alice never thought she would ask her to come home to London.

"You heard what I said, Alice. I want you to come home with me and your sister" Helen said again, with a small sigh. Alice looked at her mother for a moment. Then she looked at her sister, before looking back at Helen.

"I can't. What will people say about me being an unmarried mother? I thought you didn't want me to come home, because you wanted to avoid the shame it will bring to our family name" Alice said, resting her hand on her baby bump as she spoke.

"You're going to give this child up for adoption. I'm sorry Alice, but you can't keep this child" Helen said with a small smile, going to take her daughter's free hand, but Alice pulled away, grabbing the table to help her up.

"No. I'd rather die than give away my child. I lost my child's father; I won't lose my child as well. If that means I have to do this alone, then so be it" Alice said, trying not to cry as she thought about the Hatter.

"Alice, I love you, but you cannot keep this child! Please, just come home with us" Helen said. Margaret stayed silent, mainly because she was stunned by the fact that her mother would abandoned her own grandchild to stop the family name being blackened by shame.

"I love you too, Mother. I love you so much. But I'm sorry, I won't abandon my child. I think it would be for the best if you and Margaret went home without me" Alice said with a sigh. Helen looked at her daughter for a moment.

"Suit yourself. We'll leave tomorrow" Helen said, gently pushing past her daughter and walking up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door shut, leaving Alice and Margaret alone looking at each other in stunned silence.

"You should go and pack as well, Margaret" Alice said with a sigh, walking back towards the fire, pushing past Margaret, who grabbed her arm gently.

"I'm sorry about Mother, Alice. She really does love you. It's just the fact that your child will bring our family great shame, and if I'm honest, I don't think she can cope with that. But I'll stay, if you'll let me" Margaret said with a small smile, gently letting go of Alice's arm.

"Why would you want to stay, Margaret? Aren't you ashamed of me like Mother?" Alice asked, trying to hold back her tears.

"Alice, you're my sister. I'll always stand by you, no matter what it costs me. You should know that by now" Margaret replied, giving Alice a small smile. There were tears in both their eyes as Alice hugged her sister.

"Thank you, Margaret, but I think it's for the best if you go home with Mother. You have a husband who needs you back in London. I'll be fine" Alice said with a tiny smile. Margaret wiped away the few tears that Alice had let slip down her face.

"Are you sure?" Margaret asked, wiping her own tears away. Alice just nodded.

"Okay, if you're sure. Please keep in touch. I would hate to lose contact with you. I should go and pack" Margaret said, kissing Alice's cheek before heading upstairs, leaving Alice alone in the living room. Alice took a seat in one of the armchairs, resting her head against the side of the seat and feeling heavy hearted over the events of the day. Her thoughts drifted between missing the Hatter and thinking of her mother's suggestion to give up her child.

"Alice?" Margaret said, gently shaking her sister. Alice had fallen asleep in the armchair. She woke to find that the sky was now a dark black, and that the stars were shining bright.

"Sorry. Being pregnant makes me get tired easily" Alice said, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Margaret gave her a small smile.

"Mother wanted me to let you know that we're leaving in the morning. She also told me to tell you that this is your last chance to pack and come with us" Margaret said with a sigh. Alice rested her hand on her baby bump as she felt her child kick.

"I wish she could understand. I can't give my child up. This child is the last piece of its father. I've already lost him; I cannot lose this child, Margaret. It would kill me" Alice said, getting up from the chair.

"I know. I can't possibly understand what his loss has done to you, Alice, but I can promise you that you will not lose your child" Margaret said, taking her sister's hand and squeezing it tight. Alice gave her a small smile.

"Thank you, Margaret. It's late. I'm going to bed. If I don't see you before you go, goodbye Margaret" Alice said, kissing her sister's cheek. Neither said another word, and Alice made her way upstairs to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her, undressing herself before slipping into bed, and letting her thoughts slip into dreams about the Hatter and Wonderland.

"Mariella Elizabeth Kingsleigh" Alice said with a smile, as the midwife placed her newborn baby daughter into her arms. Mariella was born four days after Margaret and Helen left for London. Alice studied her daughter. She couldn't see herself in her daughter's face. All she could see was the Hatter. Mariella had his eyes, his smile. Every part of her daughter was the Hatter, and though Alice was happy to have her daughter, deep inside Alice was a sadness and emptiness eating away at her, one that would never be filled.

_**Sneak Peek: Time to head back to Wonderland (Yes, it's a chapter based on the Hatter and Mariella, who at the end of the preface, was headed for Wonderland).**_


End file.
